Zombies and the Holidays

Every year I try to convince my co-workers that it would be a nice idea for them to invite a Zombie over for the holidays.  Let's face it, a cemetery is really not a very festive place to spend a holiday [or any other day!].

So the next "big" holiday approaching us is Valentine's Day ... as the grocery stores like to remind me by displaying an over abundance of garish pink and red decorations.  So in the spirit of the upcoming festivities, I'd like to invite you to think about the advantages of bringing a Zombie on a Valentine's Date.

image borrowed from: http://www.thehindegroup.com/usa/voodoo_range.asp

I've listed a few of the positive aspects below:

• The concept of romance is unknown to zombies, so you won't have to overwhelm them with fancy language, sappy cards, or presents wrapped perfectly with glittery paper.
• They won't care if you send them flowers and balloons to their office.  Nor will they compare what you brought them with what everyone else received.
• Zombies will not say things like "Wow, bet her date shopped at [insert some brand name jewelers here]" or "Wow, check out the hooters on that one" while they are with you because they will be TOTALLY focused on you[r brains]. 
• You don't need to stress over what restaurant you take them to.  Fast food is just fine, thank you very much [as long as the food doesn't run too fast ... the zombie DOES have to eat, ya know].  They won't tell you what to order.  They won't "just have a bite" of your food or "taste" your drink.  Added bonus: if the service stinks, your zombie date will be more than willing to eat the waitress so you won't have to worry about what to tip them.
• There's no need to waste money by purchasing dessert while your date takes two or three bites and claims they're full.  Zombies don't care about dessert.  Ever.
• You can dress a zombie in whatever outfit you want and they won't complain or change when you're not looking.
• Zombies won't care what day it is, so if you "celebrate" Valentine's a day or two [or a week or two] late, you won't have to face their "I can't believe you forgot what day it is" look.
• Zombies will NOT get jealous over your exes.  They won't tell embarrassing stories about you to complete strangers [or your ex]. 

So there you are ... some truly positive reasons to dig up a date for the holiday.  Sure, there are minor inconveniences with taking a zombie on a date [like the fact that they keep trying to eat your brains] but really, the positive aspects WAY outweigh the bad.  Just saying.