Yeah, I believe in Zombies but not Aliens.

I absolutely believe there will be a Zombie Apocalypse.  I don't doubt it, in fact I prepare for it.  I do NOT, however, believe in the existence of aliens.  The idea of bulbous headed, green-skinned, large eyed bipedal creatures is just complete fantasy in my opinion.  Now that you know my stance on aliens, let me share with you an email I sent to my spouse yesterday ...

This is a lamp!  You can find it here

"I had to hang up with you because I had someone standing in my doorway waving a paper around to catch my attention.  So I turn around to see a guy with dark brown, thick, thick glasses, missing three teeth [without me trying to count the lost ones], untucked black and red flannel paired over a food stained [I think the original color was] white tee shirt, and a badge.  Crap.  He's an employee, so now I have to help him.

He wants to know if I will type something in to the computer for him.  Um, what?  He wants more information on something he saw in the news and doesn't know how to access it.  Um, ok.

I just know his breath is going to smell so I tell him to head to a computer and I'll be right with him.  Deep breath of clean air and I'm off to help him.

He literally wants me to type - here's where you get to start snickering - "20th Annual International UFO Convention, Scottsdale, Arizona" into the search bar. Apparently the conference is running Feb. 24th through the 27th and he wants information to attend.

I managed to stop from slapping my forehead or him.  I explained that these computers are to be used for business or educational purposes.  He tries to argue with me that he wants to learn about UFOs.  By now, I'm backing away none too slowly.  I attempt to explain that learning about UFOs will not assist him with his job performance nor will it impact patient safety, so therefore it is not an acceptable use of company property [while still backing towards my office].

No joke, the guy stands up so quick he knocked over the chair, and with spit flying [how could it not fly? he's got no teeth to hold it in] he proceeds to tell me that it impacts HIS safety because he's been abducted before and they MIGHT be coming for him again [apparently the aliens might need more teeth] so he NEEDS to learn how to PROTECT himself.

I looked at the other three patrons and at the same moment, we all started laughing uncontrollably.  I think I might have uttered something like 'Tin foil hats should work' before I made it to my office.  I shut my office door.  I'm so done for the day."

Is it just me, or do those eyes look like olives?  Damn, now I want a Martini.

Picture borrowed from here

Yes my friends ... there WILL be Zombies, but there are no aliens.

This is Holly's Fault. Totally Holly's fault. I'm innocent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjMiDZIY1bM

So Holly sent me this link last week.  Because of her, I have been having zombie dreams [which really is normal for me] and this song haunts me during the day. 

Case in point: I'm in a meeting this morning and someone says "Your requests are unreasonable."
What do I hear? "We're not unreasonable.  I mean, no one's gonna eat your eyes."
Then I tune out the meeting because I have a mental image of the zombie leader's air guitar solo [which starts at 3:04 in the video].  When I manage to struggle out of my zombie-like trance, I find that I have been volunteered for two assignments and I apparently agreed to do them [I'm pretty sure the head nodding was due to the mental air guitaring, not agreeing to the extra work].

Thanks Holly.  I'll be sure to sing "All we wanna do is eat your brains" in your honor while completing the project. *sticks tongue out*

You have now been warned of the dangers of watching the video.  Don't blame me if bad things happen to you!

Taxidermists Handbook

When my voodoo spells start working, I'm going to need this book so I can have fun with
my victims.  Just saying.

Valentine's Day ... Octopi Style

Ever wondered how octopuses spend their Valentine's Day?  Tangled up in each other!

I recently stumbled upon this fabulous artist Black Baroque who has excellent customer service.  Really, when is the last time you could say excellent and customer service in the same sentence and MEAN IT?  The president of the company is Poni [yes, it's a dog, and Poni is adorable!].

They graphically design animals/anatomy/flowers/Victorian designs and then print them on pages from books in the 1890s.  How charming is that?  I've also seen them use music sheets with octopuses printed on them.  I've ordered two and fully plan on ordering two more. 

Now, if they only had zombie octopuses [or just zombies], I would purchase enough to fill up one whole wall in my living room!

Here's a bit of information about their shop:

♥Paper: A gorgeous antique page from 1890.
This is a two column page with a border, considered in that day to be high end publishing as opposed to the common three page column, no border style used for lower budget publishing.

♥Illustrations: All of our illustrations are dated from the time period of the 16th and 18th centuries.

♥About your print: You will receive one book page but not the exact page as shown in this listing as they come from one book making each page one of a kind. The page size is 8 x 10. Frame is not included. Please keep in mind that one of the reasons we use antique books pages besides their beauty and they make for an interesting read, is to also recycle books that are no longer loved giving them new life. In the spirit of recycling we use book pages for our prints that have character flaws with some spotting, uneven printing and corner bending. All our book pages have that beautiful golden color that only comes from age.

Proof that Octopuses DO celebrate St. Patrick's Day!

Plants Vs. Zombies

So we spent two solid months fighting over the computer so we could play Plants vs. Zombies.  No, really, we did. 

At first we were all nice to each other ... we would say things like, "No, really, there's no need to rush.  Just finish that level and I'll take a turn."  Then it turned into "Ok, as much fun as it is watching you play, my turn started 10 minutes ago." 

This is the "Help Menu."  I love Zombie humor [and spelling!]

Which eventually progressed to trying to trick each other so we could hog the computer.  We'd say things like "The trash needs to be taken out, and it's too heavy.  Could you do it?"  or my husband would pull "I ran you a nice, warm bath." 

Technically, the first picture is an alien plant [created by Ali], but tell me it doesn' look like a PeaShooter!  Another reason Ali's art is awesome!

When those tricks started to wear thin, all the niceties were gone and what was left was a barely contained grouchiness.  We'd snap at each other and say things like "It's your turn to feed the animals.  Get off the computer now ... no, leave the game on.  I'll water your plants for you."

Best Halloween costume I've seen yet!

It got to the point where we would leave the game running while we were at work just so we could earn a few coins.  Yeah, there's nothing pathetic about that, right?  Need even more proof of our nerdliness?  We took pictures of the music video and "notes" from the zombies on my cell phone so we could send them to each other at work for laughs.  Often times we'd look at each other and bust out singing "I like your tricycle" and start giggling madly. 

Then we beat the game AND all of the special missions.  *sighs sadly*  So for the last two months our little game has been left behind.  In an effort to rekindle those fun moments today, I sent the song to my husband's email at work.  *grins*